Not being awkward…

Ok so I took a day off from writing yesterday just to have a bit of self centered me time and to try to and make myself look remotely like a woman again, all in preparation of spending the evening with my better half.  Unfortunately the day didn’t start that great as the bathroom scales told me that I was no closer to being comfortable in those high wasted denim shorts (if you read my first blog you’ll know what I’m on about). So that was a green tea for breakfast followed by a 45 minute work out with Davina Maccall… Then it was time to “de-yeti” myself, yes it’s the middle of winter and as much as a thin layer of fuzz on my legs would provide a wonderful insulator (as most women would agree) it doesn’t add to the whole seductive look I was going for. 

“De-yetied” it was time to tame the nest that seemed to be growing out of my head, shampoo,  conditioner then Herbal Essences “Tousel Me Softly” leave in conditioner. This thing is the only thing that seems to do what it’s supposed to and work with my curly hair rather than turn it into a greasy, frizzy mess (yes it’s possible to have both frizz and grease). Once the mane was under some form of control it was another green tea and time to sort the talons, whack on the red nail polish (Venus,  I think it’s called by Rimmel). This is going quite well so far in my attempt to look like a demure and sultry grown up (I’m 23 so I can say that), nails dry and the make-up on (a bit of eyeliner and smokey eyes) it’s time to chose the outfit.  Something casual but flirty (christ I sound like something out of a magazine), anyway a denim skirt and a lacy top. Done. 

Doing this is all well and good,  it’s my awkwardness that let’s me down.  I never realise if I’ve said or done something awkward. It’s something that I’ve gained a little control over in the last few years but occasionally I still drop the metaphorical awkward bombshell. Usually it’ll be me trying to be funny and failing (for those of you who know me will be well aware that I don’t do humour. At all.)

Anyway,  after a lovely evening over David (you should give his blog a read. Ablokecalleddave I think it’s called) and Charia’s (hope the out of date cosmopolitan didn’t come back to haunt you hun, also take a look at her beautiful business Hoobynoo World) which ended up with us all playing bowling on the wii it was time to put all my hard work into practice.

Jay (my other half) and I get home and I’m desperately trying to keep all my awkwardness to myself (no slip ups as of yet), trying to be the sultry temptress that I know I probably can be.  “It’s really blowing outside” he says to me ” It could get really blowy in here too…” I reply and wink,  I actually wink!  There it is,  there’s the line that will undo all my hard work of trying not to be an awkward mess. I just said it, I didn’t even think it! What normal person says something like that without thinking it first!  How I even have friends let alone a partner is beyond me!  “It could get really blowy in here too”. Seriously! 

There’s the three second silence, the silence of processing What’s just been said.  Thankfully I don’t usually realise when I’ve said something awkward,  not this time,  this time I know. Do I go with it?  Do I carry on like I haven’t said anything? … He’s laughing, he’s actually laughing!  I can breath a sigh of relief,  all my morning of preparation wasn’t for nothing.

I have found someone who finds my awkwardness acceptable,  which makes me feel quite comfortable with it.  I can’t promise myself that this feeling of comfort will last, when I start work again on Thursday the mixture of nerves and the want to impress will no doubt revive the awkward demon that dwells inside of me.



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